Lotta alcoholics shop here probably.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Klepto's Guide to Ethical Shoplifting: Excerpt from Chapter 2
Being that it's almost the end of 2011 and that time of year when it's nearly impossible not to shoplift, I read my own book, Klepto's Guide to Ethical Shoplifting, that I published a couple years ago. Not so much because I was feeling tempted to shoplift; but more because it's inspiring to remember the things I can do to satisfy my cravings in fun and festive ways. I'd like to share these ways with other kleptos in the hopes you can make your holiday season fun and arrest free.
Here's an excerpt from Chapter 2: Don't take things People Need:
"Once you can gauge what people might need in order to run their business, you can get a better idea of what to slip in your purse. Contrary to popular belief and media distortions about kleptomaniacs, we often experience shoplifter's remorse. I've had many a guilty night scouring piles of things I stole but didn't even want. As a kelpto, how often have you wished you could go back and exchange your steals?
When you take things people don't need, you eliminate a lot of the guilt associated with being a klepto, and in doing so you often find a place for the things you do steal because you're more accepting of them and klepto less often.
You can refer to Appendix A for a "Do they need it?" checklist that might help you decipher if the person/business you're stealing from is in need of the item you're about to steal.
Is it a costly item?
Are there lots of the item around you?
Will the item be noticed if it goes missing?
Is the item big?
Is the item small?
Is the person/company you're stealing from going to lose money if you take the item?
These are some of the questions you need to ask yourself before performing an ethical shoplift. There are different degrees of ethicality as well so sometimes it will be your own judgement call.
Restaurants and Bars
Eating establishments are great places to be klepto. In fact, I avoid stores altogether and do most of my stealing at non-retail establishments. Knives, forks, cups, salt shakers, menus, candles, griddles, the list goes on. I have a fully stocked kitchen with various items I've stolen throughout the years. What most people don't know about restaurants is that they budget for the loss of items such as these. They know glasses break and forks accidentally get discarded in the trash. I justify my steals at restaurants by telling myself the glass is going to break anyway, I am saving the glass.
Bars are equally rich with opportunity. Aside from shot glasses and cliche steals such as that, bars often stock walls and shelves full of trinkets and junk that would appeal to no one but a klepto. I have my own library of stolen books from the volumes of hardcover collections that were nothing but a space filler at the establishments I took them from. I justify my home library by telling myself my acts were ethical, the books were a fire hazard, and nobody would have ever read them if I hadn't taken them. Bars do not need books and items, they are there as mere space fillers and will probably go to the landfill when the bar goes bankrupt in a couple of months.
Tis the season to be klepto at a restaurant or bar. If you enjoy Christmas decorations, most places will put out wreaths, garland, bows, lights and cheap decorative ornament balls for the taking. If you're into being klepto for christmas decorations exclusively, then bars and restaruants, along with hotels, are the perfect places ."
...
Hope you enjoyed this excerpt from Chapter 2 of Klepto's Guide to Ethical Shoplifting. The full version is available on Amazon and at limited bookstores. If you are thinking about stealing this book off the shelf, I have mixed feelings about it, which are included in the Preface of the book.
"Once you can gauge what people might need in order to run their business, you can get a better idea of what to slip in your purse. Contrary to popular belief and media distortions about kleptomaniacs, we often experience shoplifter's remorse. I've had many a guilty night scouring piles of things I stole but didn't even want. As a kelpto, how often have you wished you could go back and exchange your steals?
When you take things people don't need, you eliminate a lot of the guilt associated with being a klepto, and in doing so you often find a place for the things you do steal because you're more accepting of them and klepto less often.
You can refer to Appendix A for a "Do they need it?" checklist that might help you decipher if the person/business you're stealing from is in need of the item you're about to steal.
Is it a costly item?
Are there lots of the item around you?
Will the item be noticed if it goes missing?
Is the item big?
Is the item small?
Is the person/company you're stealing from going to lose money if you take the item?
These are some of the questions you need to ask yourself before performing an ethical shoplift. There are different degrees of ethicality as well so sometimes it will be your own judgement call.
Restaurants and Bars
Eating establishments are great places to be klepto. In fact, I avoid stores altogether and do most of my stealing at non-retail establishments. Knives, forks, cups, salt shakers, menus, candles, griddles, the list goes on. I have a fully stocked kitchen with various items I've stolen throughout the years. What most people don't know about restaurants is that they budget for the loss of items such as these. They know glasses break and forks accidentally get discarded in the trash. I justify my steals at restaurants by telling myself the glass is going to break anyway, I am saving the glass.
Bars are equally rich with opportunity. Aside from shot glasses and cliche steals such as that, bars often stock walls and shelves full of trinkets and junk that would appeal to no one but a klepto. I have my own library of stolen books from the volumes of hardcover collections that were nothing but a space filler at the establishments I took them from. I justify my home library by telling myself my acts were ethical, the books were a fire hazard, and nobody would have ever read them if I hadn't taken them. Bars do not need books and items, they are there as mere space fillers and will probably go to the landfill when the bar goes bankrupt in a couple of months.
Tis the season to be klepto at a restaurant or bar. If you enjoy Christmas decorations, most places will put out wreaths, garland, bows, lights and cheap decorative ornament balls for the taking. If you're into being klepto for christmas decorations exclusively, then bars and restaruants, along with hotels, are the perfect places ."
Hope you enjoyed this excerpt from Chapter 2 of Klepto's Guide to Ethical Shoplifting. The full version is available on Amazon and at limited bookstores. If you are thinking about stealing this book off the shelf, I have mixed feelings about it, which are included in the Preface of the book.
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