I wanna not appear in a photo. I want someone to take a picture of me and then we go review it after on their camera and I'm not even in it. It's just the background and where I was supposed to be. I'd be so proud of myself if that happened.
I've come close. There's been photos where I'm all a blur or half there. But I want to be in a group photo where I'm the only one not present.
I stalked more dogs last night. My new record is 2 mins 43 seconds, but because there were two visible dogs in the car I'm doubling that. So I stalked dogs for I don't know what that translates to. I can't figure out the math. If anybody knows fractions and can figure out this puzzle, please let me know what my new record is. I stalked dogs for 2:42 x 2. I'm trying to decide if I should get some kinda bonus for getting to the dog's house, which I did in this case. The dogs lived in a condo and started to descend into a parking garage, where I had to cut it off. I mean I guess I coulda just gone there, gone underground with them. Taken a risk, gotten locked in. Maybe I will next time.
I wonder if they care. I wonder if they know someone's stalking them. I wonder if I got out of the car and followed them on foot up to their door and petted them, if they'd like me for it or if they'd bark. I guess maybe it depends on the dog.
I know about 1000 men who would buy tampons for you without hesitation. They're all on myspace, 50 or older, overweight, and wearing a thin white t-shirt and cheap deodorant. Most of them are in my Friends list and would drool at the opportunity to touch the outer surface of something that will be going up your vagina.
Well, I've come to that point in my life where I buy boxed wine because it's cheapest. It reminds me of a bag of urine.
I can't even go to my favorite liquor store to get it because I don't think they'd sell it. I frequent the government liquor depots and pretend at each one that I'm having a boxed wine party with all my trendy friends.
What's with the tentacles and deer heads and shit coming out of the my______ thing now? TRYHARD. I wanna see a big long dick flop outta that my______ and splooge all over my profile. If you were true to yourself, myspace, that's what you'd do.
I get it I get it -- it's indie cute, the teenagers love it, you're trying to re-route your content to your desired audience. Heart shaped lollipops are nice, they remind me of my first year university when I licked 4 of them in a row during reading week while reading Silence of the Lambs and falling in love with Hannibal Lecter. I get it.
This is my blog, it's called the Fuckhoo News. It's in response to Yahoo News, which is beginning to freak me out by how fucked it is. My myspace blog is here too, whatthehellalison.
I also do fake craigslist posts on here that usually get flagged.
Thanks for reading.
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