Life of the Party

Anyone who is the life of the party is really an attention seeker because the true life of the party is the party in your head. You don't have to be talking to anybody to have a good time. You can just talk to yourself, in your head. Or you can talk to an object that is not alive, and see what it has to say about it, in your head. Or you can watch people and laugh at them, in your head. You can get really drunk with yourself and think really rude thoughts about people you are watching, in your head, while you are saying it out loud, to their face, but you forget about it after because you black out.

Freaky Kids

I was watching TV and I saw two freaky kids who have an indy band, and I thought Hey, can't you just play Tag? It would save you from having to practice instruments, go on tour, and do drugs.

Maynard's Song

There's a band that plays that song in the Maynard's candy commercial with the girl(s) walking. I was excited when they released that song, so I went and bought the single. Then I realized I could have just watched the commercial 6 times in a row. And I would have had $10 left over for the candy I'm craving.

Furry Hood

I have a coat that's got fur on the hood. It's great because when I put on the hood, I feel like I still have hair; and when I take off the hood, I still have hair. When you're wearing a normal hood, no one really knows if you have hair or not. But when you're wearing a hood with fur, you feel confident that everyone still thinks you've got hair.

Writers Guild

I heard the Writers Guild went on strike a couple of months ago, and I never really knew what that meant. Every time I strike a match or an iron spike, I think about it though.

Malls

I was at west edmonton mall today and I didn't shop, I played Red Rover. Except I didn't want to play Red Rover. I get it that you're a couple and you hold hands, but please fuck off and stop catching everybody in your trap.

Nutcracker

Crack those nuts, nut cracker

Hot Girls

Dont worry, there's lots of hot girls out there to go around. You may not have gotten a good look at that hot girl over there, but there's a million other hot girls coming out of that store across the street, so don't worry. There will be more hot girls around the corner when you come. Don't walk yourself into a pole over it.

News

Thank you, news, for reporting every car accident, bomb, murder, shooting, and animal/ baby death that took place in the world today.

Dumb Things

Waterbeds

69

I have exactly 69% battery power left in my computer.

Crackpouch

I carry my crack pouch with me everywhere I go.

Accidently Pissing People Off

Nothing is better than pissing people off by accident. Today this guy in front of me was trying to parallel park and I stopped so he could get in the spot. But I didn't realize I had my signal light on, so he thought I wanted the spot too. So he just sat there, got pissed off I'm sure, and finally drove up and went into a different spot. When I drove past him, and he saw that I didn't even want to park in the original spot, he was PISSED. I didn't even try to piss him off, I was trying to be courteous. It was an accident.

Celebrities Tripping

SMACK!

Payday!

I'm so excited that friday is coming up, and I get paid. I can't wait to pay my bills!

Pants

It's great to go shopping at winners for pants because all the sizes are wrong, so you can wear a size 2 pant and be proud of it. You can wear your size 2 pant and feel confidence, and if your insecure girlfriends check the label on your pants, it will actually say "2!"

Come and wipe my bum, please!

Throwback!

Dumb ipod Commercials

What's dumber than dumb ipod commercials are commercials that advertise they sell dumb things like ipods. As if we're all dumb and we don't know that future shop sells ipods. God, that's so dumb.

Uuman Rights

I'm becoming an advocate for uuman rights. I really believe in that kind of stuff, and who better to help on this earth than other uuman beings? Lets start with the uumans and go from there.

Cops and Robbers

Remember cops and robbers? It was always more fun to be a robber. I hope that means that I'll get to be a kleptomaniac one day. That would be fun, like wynona rider. Me and wynona rippin down the town.

Laptops

I've decided to throw my laptop away because I saw a press release from the cancer people that laptops can cause cancer, and I really don't want to get lap cancer. Apparently lap cancer is one of the worst.

Ottawa

Otta-waaa-waaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Life

I think it's about time I stopped taking my life so seriously. I'm gonna make some decisions here, pretty soon, starting with my password. Forget numbers and exclamation marks and all that crap.

Pubic Hair Phones

Has anyone else out there heard about pubic hair phones? Well supposedly they make these things in Thailand and take pubic hair sheared off people from 3rd world countries and then twist all the pubic hair until it's hard like plastic and then they mould it into a phone. Apparently it's better material for phones than plastic or fibreglass even, because of its sound conductability or some crap. Sounds like bullshit to me. That makes me fucking mad.

Nakedness

The way the world is going, it looks like pretty soon people aren't going to wear clothes when they go out. People will carry their lives about in a nude state. And would that be really all that bad? At least then it wouldn't be such a big deal if you got flashed a boob or a ball. Because you'd be getting flashed all the time. You wouldn't care anymore. There would be far fewer criminals because of all the arrests made for nudism in public. Would it really kill us to be naked? Maybe our sexual tension would cease and people wouldn't be all addicted to sex and porn any longer. It's all about resistance and suppresion, people.

Weed

I just ran out. I'm down to crumbs and putting a few crumbs in a pipe and smoking that and then wondering if youre high for the rest of the night. Damn it!

Dumb Shows Out There On TV

What the hell's with all those dumb shows out there on TV?

The ones that are drama/investigative/horror or whatever they are and they're always in a nightclub investigating a murder. It's always a man-woman team and there's always lots of sluts around as witnesses. And the woman investigator can never trust anyone.

Long Red Boots

Who doesn't want a pair of long red boots?

Avril

Avril Lavigne: "There are so many more talented people out there. I am just one of the lucky ones."

Avril, I am here to tell you that,
Yes, you are absolutely right.

Pink Hair

I really want to dye my hair with a strip of hot pink, sort of like Avril Lavignes. Then I can be a sk8ter girl, just like her. I've always wanted to be a sk8ter girl. It's okay Avril, you don't have to be a sk8ter girl anymore.

Alone

What does that mean again when you're at home by yourself and you start drinking and you finish the whole bottle, every day?

Money Trees

I'm surprised not very many people know about all the money trees that exist. Basically they're every tree that can make paper, so every tree.

Fire Pokers

What the hell's with fire pokers? Why haven't they evolved by now? Still the same old black fire poker.

Fire Pokers

What the hell's with fire pokers? Why haven't they evolved by now? Still the same old black fire poker.