Conversation between Me and Myself

Even though me and myself are best friends, we sometimes get ourselves into kerfuffles.

ME
Did you know that red wine needs to breathe?

MYSELF
Oh, that’s so stupid.

ME
Like how does red wine breathe? Does it also need to brush its teeth because it will stain itself red?

MYSELF
Haha, yeah it must have really stained teeth to go with its breathable lungs.

ME
Well, not necessarily. Not everything that has lungs has teeth.

MYSELF
Hmm

ME
Maybe I’m wrong about a lot of things.

MYSELF
Yeah, you might be. You might be wrong about everything. Maybe you’re stupid, Maybe you’re a big loser. Maybe nobody likes you. You’re so in your head. People think you’re weird. You stand for nothing.

ME
I need to distract myself immediately. Booze or masturbation?

MYSELF
Both.