Shag

The rug that gives your feet a hug.

Just Let the girl be Skinny

God. She’s got nothing else going for her, she lost in the looks department and the intelligence department and the fame department and the originality department. Just give her her 90 pounds of glory and don’t worry about her health. It’s probably just as bad as yours.

Googlin'

I'm a Parking Meter

I make $6 an hour

I work from 6am to 10pm

I make $84 a day

I make more than you do.

I’m a parking meter.

http://communities.canada.com/theprovince/blogs/liveatfive/archive/2009/12/01/vancouver-parking-meters-to-cost-more-for-longer-hours.aspx

The Holy Grial & Shrooms

The biggest stretch of historic christian allegory...CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP.

Coquitlam Backyards

Modification:

Coquitlam's got murderers n' bears OR, more specifically, if you are in my sister's backyard, Coquitlam has got criminals n' bobcats.*

Exercise caution when you are in Coquitlam backyards. There's criminals n' bobcats.


*Not as threatening

Sites that get Frequent Visits from Me

Sites that get Frequent Visits from Me
www.fa.com
www.hot.com
www.gm.com

Hey Fa, "Hot" and GM...
You can all minus 20 hits from your website count per year as my accidental contribution to your popularity that will go nowhere. I get to your site because my computer's too dumb to click things properly in the dropdown.

I don't want to use Fa shower products, worship Obama, or buy a GM vehicle.

CASH FOR GOLD

NOOOOOOOOOO. Don't do it. Stop, don't go to Money Mart.

1. Why are there all of a sudden a million ads on tv/everywhere trying to get your heirloom junk and other gold pieces?
A - Because when the economy crashes in a few short months, paper money will hold no value and they are predicting that we will go back to gold as the measure of value

2. Why is gold valuable in the first place?
A - Gold is precious for many reasons. Dating way back to ancient times, gold was used as a conductor to help open vortices and stargates. They're building a huge stargate that is going to let all the monsters in. You can believe that or you don't have to. If that's too harsh you can believe they're building some kind of technology with this crazy metal that will help them get to a different galaxy when all the monsters come out from the lava in the earth. Or whatever.

3. Seriously. Read about it. Philadelphia experiment. Monsters come from other portholes. Why were we so into portholes and monsters when we were kids?
A - BECAUSE WE KNEW WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON. We were still connected as children and inherently had an interest in the things that would gives the answers today of why they want our gold.

Don't give them your gold. Wear it instead. See what happens. Wear grandma's old ring around your neck. See what energy shifts happen for you while you wear it. Hold on to your power. Prove me wrong.

Dear Tall Drink

I really liked you a lot.
I just can’t be a pizza wife.

Love,
Girl who always winked at you at the bar

While I'm on that Note...

. .. .. .. .. .. Fuck you, Hilton, you don’t care about the salt in our soups or the calcium crusted in our veins. You’re just an actor in a commercial supported by a corny voiceover. Fuck you, Campbells Soup, and fuck you Hilton.

DOWNY

eah. So when did Downy hire the person who's been doing advertising for Astroglide for the past 20 years? Or are they trying to convey to shoppers that fabric softener is the next lube. Cause what the FUCK is with these ads. Really? REALLY?

Because Downy--- your new bottles look like--- your new ADs --- look like LUBE. ahr har har har har har har har har har. But you did that on purpose? What? Are you, Downy? or are you Glidey? Or Lubey? Or Slickey? Or Softey?

Maybe communicate to your consumers if you are downy soft, or slickey hard, or what. Cause we're getting confused over here, Downy. We don't know whether to awash you in our babies' fleecies or our dicks n vaggies. So -- WHat the fuck.

Spice Blossom Dare?? What the hell is that?? Fuck off. It's so Cosmo meets Wet. It's like 30 middle aged people in a board room came up with that. Is it just me?!?! What the hell happened to "Original Scent", or "Tropical Breeze"...

I don't believe in Opposites Attract

. .. .. .. .. .. .... Look, I just want to commonlaw the male version of me, okay? So you all who are different, who don’t look like me or talk like me or act like me or think like me – you all can just go back to your porn. If you’re a guy who is my twin, basically, then go ahead and send me a myspace message, I’m sure I’ll get back to you.

Marble Cake Before 10AM

Babysitting!

Oh, Wow...

Woah, this will go perfectly with those electronic shits I keep hearing about. Instead of having a real shit you can have an e-shit that won’t clog the toilet or make the water supply turbid anymore. We won't need bathrooms. You won't need to suck your ciggy in the B room or crap a crap in the B room anymore. I'm so happy for the world.


No more poops n no more cigs.

My POF Account

Send me a message. Come say "Hey"


http://www.plentyoffish.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=17136290

Hey Dad...

Remember when you let me borrow the pressure washer to take to Calgary to film a sketch with? July 2009. yeah I used it on my twat. Not the car.