The Twirly Slide

We are in a sad existence that there are no longer real twirly slides in children’s playgrounds of the modern day. Fuck the plastic junk safety conscious slides that go one and one half rotations and get 4 feet off the ground. I want the metal twirly slides of the 80s with the 3 full rotations, 20 feet high and a big slanted metal support pole that can be used as a second slide if you need it! And I want my kids to have those too! How the HELL are those not in existence anymore? If people are going to rally and take away real twirly slides for safety reasons then at least, at least, at least open a playground for adults with real twirly slides and an adult ball pit and adult moonwalks. I can’t believe no one has done this yet. PLUS. Real twirly slides don’t hold in the smell of pee. Yes, metal twirly slides got pissed on too. They always had a piss stream* down the middle where the paint wore off mixed with sand and piss-covered grit. But, AT LEAST the piss rolled down and got washed off in the rain and didn’t hold old piss in all the fucked up PLASTIC PORES. Hell, type in ‘twirly slide’ in google photo and I can’t even find a real bona fide twirly slide with the blue and red twirly stripe along the rim. fuckitfuckitfuckitfuckitfuckitfuckitfuckitfuckitfuckit!!!!!!!!!!

*[Thank-you to Josh Tuftin for reminding me about the twirly-slide piss]