ANA Confession 26458)

I've had anorexia and a corresponding aversion to shitting since before I was a teenager. I don't know what started first, the food issues or the shit issues, all they've done is amplify one another and help each other out. Every time I shit I feel like a dirty person and I want to end shitting altogether. I've not shat for weeks at a time with use of diarrhea pills and starving. One time I didn't shit for a 3 weeks and I had to go to the hospital. I thought I dealt with the problem but lately when I'm on the toilet I hate myself again. When I have to wipe my ass after is the worst I get, I've gone so far as to wipe my shitty toilet paper on the food I'm going to eat so I don't eat it and to remind myself how disgusting I am. My parents used to hate changing my diaper, they fought over it. I remember this from when I was 2. Then they hated wiping my ass when I was potty trained. If they only knew how much I hate wiping my own ass now.