Don't ever change, Myspace

Hey, Tampon Girl

I know about 1000 men who would buy tampons for you without hesitation. They're all on myspace, 50 or older, overweight, and wearing a thin white t-shirt and cheap deodorant. Most of them are in my Friends list and would drool at the opportunity to touch the outer surface of something that will be going up your vagina.



You're just asking the wrong men.

You're being tryhards, Myspace

What's with the tentacles and deer heads and shit coming out of the my______ thing now? TRYHARD. I wanna see a big long dick flop outta that my______ and splooge all over my profile. If you were true to yourself, myspace, that's what you'd do. 

I get it I get it -- it's indie cute, the teenagers love it, you're trying to re-route your content to your desired audience. Heart shaped lollipops are nice, they remind me of my first year university when I licked 4 of them in a row during reading week while reading Silence of the Lambs and falling in love with Hannibal Lecter. I get it. 

Top Friends Incident 101220-000067

Hi Myspace,

I went to edit my top friends today and it told me I could only have 8 top friends. I used to have 40. Indeed, I went back to my profile and only my top 8 friends were listed. Thanks for your attention to this issue.
Alison

Thanks for contacting Myspace. You can only include 8 of your friends in the Top Friends list.  If you want to swap up the order or put your best friends forward, follow these steps: 1. hover over My Stuff (in the upper nav bar) and click Friends  2. click Top Friends (in the blue banner)  3. click the X by your friend's profile picture to delete them from your Top Friends 4. hover over pictures of friends you want to add to your Top Friends, click the check box on the upper left, and click Add to Top Friends (just below the Top Friends box)  Important stuff to know: - you can add or remove friends from your Top Friends list anytime you like  - randomize the order of your Top Friends but clicking the "Customize - Reorder your Top Friends by dragging them into place" radio button  - set the order you want you your Top Friends to appear in by clicking the "Randomize - Changes every time your profile page refreshes" radio button Sincerely, The Myspace Support team myspace1@mailca.custhelp.com  RE: Top Friends [Incident: 101220-000067] This upsets me tremendously. I have a rather severe case of OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) and having 32 of my organized and meticulously thought-out top friends deleted has sent me into an extreme state of anxiety. I have called my doctor 6 times since the incident, (3 times in the past 24 hours) and will be admitted to the hospital tomorrow. Myspace was my anchor and a lot of what I lived for was in my profile. You guys have gone and blown that all away. I am in a near suicidal state now and that is why I am being admitted to the hospital. Please consider changing the options your long-time members have in regards to their profiles. From: myspace1@mailca.custhelp.com Date: Mon, 20 Dec 2010 08:53:51 -0800 Subject: Top Friends [Incident: 101220-000067]

Sorry, Creeps

I tried to edit my top friends and Myspace deleted all of you from my top friends! I'm only allowed to have 8 top friends now. Is myspace on fucking crack? They've gone all benjamin button devolving by the day. Soon they'll be crawling up a a vagina to degestate in a womb. I hate them, I feel like they've been taken over by some controlling force. Sorry guys, I love you all and you'll always be in the top friends in my head.

Should I just fuck with Jodi?

If I get even one comment on this from a perv, I'll write Jodi an email begging for another chance to be a topless poker dealer.