Library Books Overdue

I got a new library card last week, and low and behold, the books I took out are due today and they're still here, beside me. And I didn't read one, they just sat right there, all week. Brand new card and a late charge already.

Dust

I've got a lot of dust in my house. I like it though. Sometimes I purposely don't dust my house because I want to leave the dust bunnies some food. What else would they eat? They don't eat carrots, I tried that. I left a carrot under my bed for them once and I could tell they tried to eat it, because it got fuzzy and smaller. I like to leave food for them in places that allow them to get some exercise. That's why I don't dust my top shelves or my pictures hanging on the wall. I know that the dust bunnies are grateful because they get bigger and come out of their hiding places.

Fuck Me

Fuck Me! What the hell? I HAD been spelling WEIRD right all along! I checked it out in the dictionary. Fuck that "i before e except after c" crap. Who the fuck created that rule?

Vagina Diagrams

What's with all the uterine and vag diagrams I see on TV? I'm so sick of seeing diagrams of uteruses and vaginas on TV. Please take them off. When you put that one uterus on TV it's like you're putting all our uteruses on TV.

Colbie Callait

I like that Colbie Colbert girl. She's got all those songs in all those commercials for sweaters and banking. Every time I hear one of those songs, I want to put on a sweater and go to the bank. This is troublesome, because I got no sweaters, so I gotta go to the bank first, to get money to buy the sweater. But it's cold outside, and I got no sweater to put on. Then, I forget what I was thinking about doing, and why, and I'm confused. And then another one of her commercials comes on and I remember, and I'm back to square one.

English Brat Shows

What the hell's with those english Brat Camp shows and their parents? They're always so washed out looking. I mean I get it, your kid caused you hell for the last 16 years, but there are other things to your life than your children. Or at least put some makeup on.

Arrested Development Actors

I feel sorry for all those Arrested Development actors who are getting famous for being on that show. Now that everybody's caught up, the public appreciates these actors and producers want to cast them. If I was one of these actors, I would be very angry, because I would have jumped off a bridge by now.