Slut Tattoo Blog #1

I'm building up a slut tattoo and I went for my first session today. Getting a slut tattoo is a lot harder than getting a real tattoo because you have to build it up with your tan. The most difficult part is the first few sessions because the skin around your tat isn't dark enough to really show the tat for the next time you want to put the sticker on it. This is how you get a good slut tattoo:

1. Choose something slutty. I went with classic playboy bunny.
2. Put it on a slutty part of your body. I put mine close to my hip bone so it shows when I wear my low rise jeans.
3. Wear the sticker on your chosen area for the full tanning session.
4. When you remove the sticker, especially for the first few sessions, it is important to outline the tat with a pen so that you know where to put the sticker the next time you tan. The tan will fade slightly between now and your next tan, so you need a way of knowing where you originally placed your slut tat so that you don't get a huge bunny, as a woman at the tanning salon told me.
5. Tan as often as you can. This will speed up the formation of your slut tat and make it more intense.

The Sex Ship

Landskin condomb Lamdskin condoms :a,bski cndoms. :amdslo cpmdp,s/ LAMBSKIN CONDOMS (it's dark)

Eeeeewwwww. It’s one of 2 scenarios:
1. (Which I hope it is) Your partner has a severe allergy to latex and can therefore do it safely no other way; or
2. You want to have sex with an animal (lamb) and it’s a good way for you and the lamb to have a threesome with your girlfriend. That’s why they’re gross. Cause between the two of you, there’s the lamb. That is dead cause it’s been skinned. The lamb is an equal participant, dead or alive. It’s also pedophilia because it’s a lamb. So you could be a bestial pedophilic orgy lover. I hope it’s number #1.

What the Hell is This?

I realize that this blog has become a place for me to hate-on. It's
living up to its name of What the Hell. But this one is a What the
Fuck? This is a WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS PIECE OF SHIT?? I'm not an
expert. I've only been printing letters and numbers in the American
alphabet for the past 20 years. So, silly me when I come across this
wigit or whateverthefuck it is called and have to try 3 motherfucking
times before I can figure out what the shit it is. And I didn't. I gave
up. I gave the fuck up. Because apparently I am a retard, according to
the artificial intelligence that compares me to a computer every time I
sign in.

Crush On You

You found out I've got a crush on you. Eh whatever I'll just deny it. You'll never know the truth. uh - what's that? - you found out from my best friend who can't keep a secret to save her life? Yeah well she can't keep her labia together either and she's also a big liar. So whatever. She probably has a crush on you, she's just trying to see how you'll react. She doesnt wanna scare you off cause she's a big slut and lots of guys hate sluts. They don't want kooties. Never knew a rumor could spread so fast? Never knew my bff's legs could spread so fast either. And trus me, after having a sleepover with her, i know. I think she might be bisexual, actually. Put the moves on me too. Except I've seen her period-stained underwear so THAT's never happening. Gross. She always wanted to read "Are you there god, it's Me Margaret" with me in elementary but I was never into those puberty books. Those were for lesbians. Anyways, yeah, she's a big liar and a slut. What else you wanna know?

Emergency

Oooh God, it's an emergency! I'm stuck in this elevator, I'm stuck! What am I gonna do? I have claustrophobia. Oh, goodness, I'd better think of something - it could be hours before I get out of here. Hey - is that a phone? There's a phone in here??? Thank god, because I don't have a cellphone. PHEW. God I'm glad they put phones in elevators. Now all I have to do is-- hheeeeeyyyyyy... Is - is - is this phone bolted in? The phone is bolted in?!?! Why on earth would they bolt a phone in a place where there might be an emergency?? Well... It's a good thing I brought my screwdriver... heh heh heh. Yep, little ol me, always got my screwdriver on me for emergencies, I'll just take it out of my purse here. There we go, now I'll just unbolt this phone-- Oh fuck, it's a Robertson driver!

Samaritan Advertising For The Week: Cory Larkin

This guy showed up on my grocery cart yesterday, and although I sure as hell won't need a mortgage expert ever, I felt bad shoving his face into all the other grocery carts in the cart lineup. That smile called for the Samaratin ad of the week. Cory Larkin, I hope this helps you get some ass. I mean business.