Tampon People...

getting us to do all their advertising for them for free. Because you can't wear a tampon on the outside.









They also could have made the girl under "Own It" look a little less like Justin Bieber. I just assumed it was him out of my peripheral. Maybe they did it on purpose, who knows. All those little bieber lovers getting their first periods.

I battled my klepto last night and won

I wanted to steal this so bad. But then my conscience came along and thought about all the girls who would have dry asses for me doing a good deed and leaving it in there. I don't know why I always want to steal big ones. With toilet paper it goes back a long way with me. It's not about really needing it so much (even though at times I definitely have), as it is wanting to shove a giant role of toilet paper in my purse and carry it out. And laugh to myself about that. That I have a 2 lb roll of butt paper in my purse that I'm carrying around and smiling at guys and the idiots who work there about. Hmm.

But I don't like stealing little ones anymore, I've noticed. I only get a strong impulse when it's something bigger than a regular sized standard tp roll. Twice as big. For a klepto reaction. I guess because I like the exaggeration of it. Well, that's what it's come to, anyway, with my klepto.

Anyways, I guess that's a good thing I'm not stealing big ones anymore either. Actually sometimes it gets annoying, like the next day when I forget it's in there and accidentally take it to the mall with me. But it's also come in deathly handy too.

The interesting thing to me is that with the little ones I just kinda lost interest in them but the big ones I have to fight sometimes to deny the impulse. I get all moral. Yuck. Like, I also think it's funny that a ton of chicks have lip drip because of me. I'd forgive whoever took the giant roll. I get it. I get other kleptos. That's why I could never own a store. I just wouldn't care. I'd want to steal my own stuff.

Oh and some girl asked me for tp from under the stall beside me, so I told her I didn't have any either, even though had a giant roll.

I guess it's weird because I published Ethical Shoplifting a couple years ago and didn't think about all the moral ramifications of stealing a tp roll from a bathroom stall. Like, that's a lot more immoral than stealing a dress from a store that nobody will ever really miss. I'm really rethinking the right/wrong thing these days I'm not sure I didn't have it backwards.

Rene Denise: Garage Sales

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American Apparel's 12 Steps

1. We admitted we were powerless over conformity - that our lives had become aimlessly ironic.

2. Came to believe that a corporate Power greater than individuality could restore our sense of self.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of American Apparel as we saw it in all the ads.

4. Made a numbing and pointless inventory of our demoralized selves.

5. Surrendered to American Apparel, to our stupid selves, and to another human being the exact nature of our stupidity.

6. Were entirely ready to have American Apparel amplify these defects of character.

7. Narcissisticly asked American Apparel to reflect our narcissism.

8. Made a list of all persons we had blindly bought into, and became willing to kiss asses with them.

9. Made desperate imitations of such people wherever possible, except when to do so would cause them to be more attracting of attention than ourselves.

10. Continued to take personal shopping trips and when we were broke promptly called mom.

11. Sought through spending and randomizing our wardrobes to improve our desperate contact with American Apparel as we wore It, spending only for validation of its acceptance of us and the retardery to carry that out in public.

12. Having had a cultlike brainwashing as a result of these steps, we tried to send this message to conformists, and to infiltrate the world of art, literature, music, style, comedy, everything, the world, ever to remind us to place our veneration of American Apparel before everything else.

Knives for a Week

Well since I'm such a chicken about doing suit-for-a-week now, 2 years after wanting to, 20 Moores 2-for-1 sales later, I think a good way to work up to that would be to take my knives with me everywhere I go for a week. They'll still be in the bag, safe. But, I'd like to alter my reality that way, bring the knives, see what happens. Bag O'Knives.

My knives rode shotgun tonite

I took my knives out with me. I put them in an old gym bag and carried them down through my parking garage into my car. Then I put them on the front passenger seat and drove them around. We went to a couple places but I left them in the car, I don't feel they're ready to go out into the public yet.

Not that I wouldn't conceal them. But they're just getting acclimated to the real world. They haven't really been out much, until now.


They're still confused as hell. I'm taking pictures at them through the window and they're stunned. But, it's like taking a baby out for the first time. They just don't have a choice. I keep thinking what if I got in a car accident, and they investigated my car and found a bag o knives. Then an even bigger investigation would open up as to why I have a bag o knives in my car, all the knives in my home (the sharp ones). It would be a cold case. I was 2 stores away from the cop shop when I took the photo, I didn't even realize.

Fiancee Proposed During Sex